And, we're here!

I can’t believe we’re here.

We’re really finally here!

After a whirlwind week of wondering if this cycle would even go ahead – we have arrived in Denver and are all set for our embryo transfer in the morning. Even though I have a sore throat and stuffy nose, nothing should be compromised.

We ended up having to leave Cooper and nana at home (which wasn’t part of the plan) and come just the two of us. This will mark the first time that we’ve ever been away from Cooper for more than a night. And we’ll be gone for 4 nights to be exact. Arriving today and leaving Monday – after 48 hours of bed-rest. I was so sad to leave him for that long, but we know it's for a good reason, and we know him and nana will have their own little great adventure together while we are gone. Even so, I already miss him like crazy!


So after a long travel day, tonight we are cozied up in our hotel room together, drinking herbal tea, eating snacks, missing our little guy, and thinking about what will happen tomorrow. Will our embryo’s survive the thaw? Will they be worse for wear? Will we have a smooth successful transfer? Will our two little embryo’s snuggle up tight and get ready to implant? It’s anyone’s guess.

All we can do is think positive and hope for the best.

And see it in our dreams.

Life's Hiccups

I went to London today for my bloodwork and ultrasound today and my results looked great!

Estradiol 429.8 (they like it over 300)
LH 9.4 (they like it under 15)
Progesterone 0.46 (they like it under 1.0)
Uterus Lining was 9.7 (They like it over 8)

So we were given the green light to go ahead and book our airfare to fly out on Wednesday!

But...

In the meantime, we took Cooper to Emergency for a fever (and cough) that had lasted 6 days. And the results came back that he has tonsillitis. His throat is red and covered in white spots and his ears are inflamed and sore. No wonder he’s been so sick! So it’s a good thing we took him. The bad news is that she started him is that he may not be able to fly with us and Wednesday. The doctor said it will take 7-10 days for it to clear, even though we should start to see improvement within 3. But she does not recommend we fly with him if he has a fever, sore ears because of cabin pressure, and simple because he could catch other things from the airplane because his resistance is low. Nana and Cooper were planning to come with us, as being away from him for 5 days was not in the cards. But if they have to stay home, at least nana will be with him (and grandpa for the first little bit too). So for now we have put the brakes on purchasing his airfare until Tuesday to see how he is feeling.

Hiccup number two is that for the past 24 hours I’ve been feeling sick (Sore throat). Since tonsillitis and strep is contagious, I had them take a swab of my throat too, to see if I have it. I have already had my tonsils out so that is the good news! But since my throat is very sore, it could either be the beginnings of a cold (not great to have a viral infection, but still doable) or it could be the a bacterial infection like strep, in which case I may have to cancel my frozen embryo transfer. We have to wait to speak with our nurse on Monday to see what she thinks, and my results won’t come back until Tuesday. I know I can’t take antibiotics to clear it while going through an FET. And I certainly don’t want my body to be fighting off a bacterial infection when we transfer our embryo’s, because I want my body healthy and in the best shape to accept our embryos.

So for now, I drink tea, try to get some rest, give Cooper his medication and WAIT...

It’s all out of my control, so all I can do is sit back, try to stay calm, and wait to see what happens. And try to remember to breathe, stop trying to control, and surrender.

Whatever will be will be.

And we're off! (For the very last time)

Today marks the day of our last IVF cycle, ever.

Well hopefully.

There is still a 10% chance this cycle could get cancelled, but more on that later.

AF arrived two days late, that little minx, I'm sure just to give me one last laugh. But arrived she finally has, and our FET has been scheduled for Jan. 20th.

I started my patches today (thank god no Lupron injections this time). I opted out of the Lupron suppression for this FET, since it doesn't affect the success rates. The month long Lupron injections is really only to guarantee that I don't ovulate before they start me on progesterone. But by going with my natural cycle, I'm usually fairly accurate, so there is only really a 10% chance of this happening. If I ovulate early, we'll know at my suppression check, and will have to cancel the cycle and start the FET process over another month. But I'm fairly confident that won't happen. HA! Confident, yeah right. But I just didn't want to deal with needles and medication over the Christmas season and New Years. I spent so many of my years doing this, and now that I finally have a child that I can enjoy the season with, there was no way I was taking away ANY of the joy. No way in hell. I wanted to relish every single moment with my family and enjoy the miracle of the moment. So after a wonderful, medication and needle-free holiday season, I'm now ready to take on this FET. It's a brand new year and anything is possible -- hello 2012, we're ready!

My new yearly calendar has quotes on it. And the month of January reads: "If a little dreaming is dangerous, the cure for it is not to dream less but ot dream more. To dream all the time. -- Marcel Proust."

I like that quote. And it's very fitting, as I plop an estrogen patch on my big, much too dimpled, butt -- and hope for the best. I can't believe how much time has passed since the beginning of our fertility journey. How much has changed. How much we have gained and how much we have lost. I'm 36 years old, married, with the same great husband and dog, a gorgeous 2 year old son, a supportive father, mother-in-law and father-in-law, living back in Ontario, and minus my mom and best friend.

Life is for the living, my grandma always said. So we are living as best we can -- one day at a time -- and hoping to create another 'life' and miracle that will add to our life in so many new and wonderful ways. In this great big circle of life.

We don't know what will happen, but that's the thing about life... we never do.

All we can do is open our hearts to as much joy and love as possible.

And never, ever, give up hope.