First Day Behind Us!

After a total meltdown, a good cry, and flip-flopping back and forth a million times, Dave and I finally decided to go ahead and start the lupron as the doctor suggested.

We had thoughts of pulling out and stopping everything. We talked about waiting for my period and starting back at the beginning on birth control pills -- after a couple of natural cycles to be sure the cyst is gone. We rehashed the bad memories of one of our other canceled cycles, where we had a 55mm cyst that took about three months to clear. We talked and talked, like always, like any couple about to spend 30 grand on their last chance. We weighed the pros and cons. We want to start from a perfect place -- not start from a place of uncertainty and fear. We want to look back with no regrets. And this almost made us pull the plug.

But in the eleventh hour we decided to move forward.

I tried to remember that this happens to women all the time, that there is a very good chance that the lurpon along with my period will completely clear away this cyst. It could burst. It could shrink. It could just disappear. I tried to remember that we are in the best hands possible, with the best nurses and doctor who all want the same thing we do -- to get us pregnant. I tried to remember that the doctor won't proceed with the stim meds if there are any risks, that women cycle all the time with small cysts and have the exact same success rates. And that even if I have to cancel after 10 days, at least we tried.

So we held each other tight, closed our eyes, and jumped head first into our first needle and meds.

We are going to have a baby this time -- we have to believe it!