Thursday, November 26, 2009

A Day of Thanks, A Lifetime of Gratitude

Today seems like the right day to bring an end to my blog.

It has been a long, painful, and wonderful journey. One that I will always look back on with mixed emotions.

It took up my life for four years, most of it bad. But, my miracle at the end of the road was worth all the heartache that came before.

We will never forget the day, one year ago, that we got the best phone call of our lives.

And on Thanksgiving no less.

Our hands shook as we answered the phone and we thought for sure we were in for bad news. But instead, we got our Thanksgiving miracle!

On this Thanksgiving day, and every Thanksgiving Day that follows, we will thank god for our miracle of life. Looking down at our perfect sleeping baby face, reminds us of all we have done to get here. Of all the sadness and all the pain, and with one smile from our angel baby it is all erased. The joy and love seeps into the very fabric of our beings -- straight to our hearts. Yes, we are thankful. We are forever blessed. We are so lucky to be able to feel this kind of gradittue and thanks. We are thankful for the gift of hope, and the gift of all our Thanksgivings yet to come. We are thankful for CCRM, and everything we did to get here.

Today we take stock, of how all this unexpected and painful journey has shaped our lives. Of how it has blessed us and enriched us with suffering as much as with joy. And that is what Thanksgiving is really all about. Remembering the past, celebrating the present, and looking toward the future -- all with gratitde in our hearts.

Today is filled with such significant meaning for us, as it remins us that mircales do happen, to never give up hope, and to always give thanks for the gift that we have been given. We don't even have words that will ever fully express the gratitude we feel, as we reflect and rejoice in our miracle. So instead, we just say thanks.

"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice." -Meister Eckhart

And yes, he was worth every single penny!

Good luck to all of you out there still waiting for your miracles.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Happy Thanksgiving and God Bless.

Love Lisa
PS -- I hope anyone who stumbles across this blog finds comfort in my story, and it helps them hang onto hope.

For anything is possible with hope.

Should anyone ever wish to reach me, I can be contacted at: lisarwaiteAThotmailDOTcom. I would be happy to help.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Family Day

One year ago today, Cooper came home. It was the day that we finally became a family!

It's amazing to think that the first place Cooper lived was in a petri dish in Denver -- not inside his mommy's uterus like most babies. He hung out in his own little embryo appartment with embryo brothers and sisters -- while mommy and daddy footed the steep rent bill for such a small little dish. But after five long days of living on his own, Cooper was placed, along with his brother and sister, inside his mommy's uterus where he belonged. He We talked to him and told him to snuggle in tight and we prayed with all our might that he would like his new home and decide to stay.

And thus, today will forever be known as family day.

I'll never forget the feeling, leaving CCRM with my embabies inside me. We were finall a family. Maybe not for long. But for now, we were.

I moved in slow motion. Every step, like a ninety-year old woman. I felt like a woman carrying around a nuclear weapon that was entrusted to me to make sure didn't go off. I had precious cargo on board and I knew it. I layed flat, only getting up to eat and go to the bathroom. I layed still, trying not to jostle anything around. We talked to our embryo's. We sang to them. We prayed. We visualized our embryo's snuggling in tight and not giving up. For the next two weeks, I barely moved, I kept warm, ate well, and did everything I could do to encourage my embabies to stick.

We were a family that day. For that moment. And we were filled with hope, but also with so much fear. We didn't know how long it would last and we were so afraid that somehow it would all disappear, like all our previous attempts.

But it did not. Today, we are celebrating family day again. This time, Cooper is out in the world, three months old. We are a family. It's real. He really did it. He snuggled in, held on tight, grew big and strong, was born, and now is growing into a wonderful little person we can hold in our arms. We have never felt so lucky. Or so blessed.

Today, when we look back, we remember that moment like it was yesterday. And yet, somehow it feels like a lifetime ago. I will forever be grateful to CCRM and will always celebrate the day we became a family.



And of course, our other little baby, who has been there through thick and thin for all of it, and who made us a family all along!
A family truly is life's greatest blessing. I am so glad we didn't give up. And I thank god every day for this gift.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Happy Lifeday, to Our Little Miracle

Today is the anniversary of the day our son was given life.

One year ago today, at around 10:30am, Cooper was specially created, in the CCRM lab along with his 27 other embryo brothers and sisters.

We can't believe it's been a whole year since that day. Little did we know then, that one of those embryos would survive and be born nine months later.

Reflecting back on that day brings up so much emotion. Both good and bad. There was so much pain, so much sadness, so much hope and anxiety and helplessness. And today, we are filled with more joy and happiness and gratitude and love than we ever thought possible. We still can't believe how lucky we are to become so blessed. And it makes us realize that it was all worth it. Every day of our pain brought us closer to our son. At the time, we wondered. We almost gave up so many times. We debated. We fell down. We felt that we could not go on. But we picked ourselves up and kept fighting. We held on to that little shred of hope, that little voice inside our heads that told us to keep going even when there was no hope left. And I still don't know how we made it through. But here we are. We did it. And one year ago today, a miracle happened.

This is the prayer we said to God the night before the big day.

And this is how we were feeling after our egg retrieval, at the same time Cooper was being created in the CCRM lab.

We owe a lifetime of thanks to the brilliant Dr. Schoolcraft to whom none of this would be possible, and to our amazing embryologist, John Stephens, who gave our little Cooper life. It's incredible to think of how much has changed since that day. It was the beginning of life, not only for Cooper, but for us in a way too.

We have so much to celebrate, and we wanted to mark this very special day that Cooper came to be.

"Before you were conceived, we wanted you
Before you were born, we loved you
Before you were here an hour, we would die for you
This is the miracle of a mother and father's love."

We love you so much Cooper.


"For you were fearfully and wonderfully made..." PALMS 139