Wednesday, January 4, 2012

And we're off! (For the very last time)

Today marks the day of our last IVF cycle, ever.

Well hopefully.

There is still a 10% chance this cycle could get cancelled, but more on that later.

AF arrived two days late, that little minx, I'm sure just to give me one last laugh. But arrived she finally has, and our FET has been scheduled for Jan. 20th.

I started my patches today (thank god no Lupron injections this time). I opted out of the Lupron suppression for this FET, since it doesn't affect the success rates. The month long Lupron injections is really only to guarantee that I don't ovulate before they start me on progesterone. But by going with my natural cycle, I'm usually fairly accurate, so there is only really a 10% chance of this happening. If I ovulate early, we'll know at my suppression check, and will have to cancel the cycle and start the FET process over another month. But I'm fairly confident that won't happen. HA! Confident, yeah right. But I just didn't want to deal with needles and medication over the Christmas season and New Years. I spent so many of my years doing this, and now that I finally have a child that I can enjoy the season with, there was no way I was taking away ANY of the joy. No way in hell. I wanted to relish every single moment with my family and enjoy the miracle of the moment. So after a wonderful, medication and needle-free holiday season, I'm now ready to take on this FET. It's a brand new year and anything is possible -- hello 2012, we're ready!

My new yearly calendar has quotes on it. And the month of January reads: "If a little dreaming is dangerous, the cure for it is not to dream less but ot dream more. To dream all the time. -- Marcel Proust."

I like that quote. And it's very fitting, as I plop an estrogen patch on my big, much too dimpled, butt -- and hope for the best. I can't believe how much time has passed since the beginning of our fertility journey. How much has changed. How much we have gained and how much we have lost. I'm 36 years old, married, with the same great husband and dog, a gorgeous 2 year old son, a supportive father, mother-in-law and father-in-law, living back in Ontario, and minus my mom and best friend.

Life is for the living, my grandma always said. So we are living as best we can -- one day at a time -- and hoping to create another 'life' and miracle that will add to our life in so many new and wonderful ways. In this great big circle of life.

We don't know what will happen, but that's the thing about life... we never do.

All we can do is open our hearts to as much joy and love as possible.

And never, ever, give up hope.


Amy said...

What a great, uplifting blog post. You are right, we can never give up hope. I am in the middle of a FET right now as well. I wish you luck this cycle!

Bex said...

You write so beautifully. I am about to start IVF and have read your diary from start to finish - it has made me laugh and cry but most importantly it has given me some hope. Thank you and wishing you all the luck in the world for this FET xxx

Kimber said...

Amen to that my dear. I wish I had 20 fingers and 20 toes so I could cross them all for you! although that does create a rather startling visual...(0;