Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Crossing Over

When do you officially cross over from infertility to fertility?

When is is safe to believe that you have beat this heartbreaking condition? When is it safe to allow yourself to relax? To be happy? To enjoy it?

Is it when you get your BFP? When your second beta doubles? Is it when you see the sac and hear the heart beat? Is it when you get into the safe zone of the second trimester? When you are showing with a big belly? When you reach the third trimester? When you reach the date where if you had to deliver today, the baby could probably make it in intensive care? When you go into labor? Or not until you are actually holding a healthy baby in your arms?

And how do you know when you have actually crossed over? When do you let the good news sink it? When do you start baby shopping? When do you start picking out baby names? When do you stop avoiding happy families and other people's kids? When do you stop shutting yourself off from the rest of the world? When do you give away your fertility medication? When do you stop planning and researching everything that is infertilty?

When and how do you ever cross over, from living a life centered around infertility, and how do you integrate yourself back into life, back to the family and friends you have shut yourself off from in order to protect yourself?

Maybe, it's just simply, one day at a time.

Or maybe you have to throw caution to the wind, jump in with both feet, and choose to leave your fear behind.

13 comments:

mylifechronicles said...

Right now, from where I stand, I feel like never! Even if I go on to have a healthy baby, I will never forget the struggles and the pain that was IF. Having a healthy baby might get me closure, but that chapter of my life called IF, remains.

But, for now, with each passing day, we can take one small step towards closing that chapter of our lives!

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure you do. I have a 5y/o and a 1 y/o both from IVF after 3 years of ttc and numerous IVF/IUI's. By the end of both pg's I was better but still did not want to have a baby shower. Even now, I wonder if some of my protectiveness is because my children were so hard-fought...or perhaps all parents feel this way. Infertility, like any other challenge, molds and shapes you whether you like it or not. I am not sure you can leave it behind.

Anonymous said...

You don't. I may have a child, but I'm still clinically infertile.

Anonymous said...

Lisa, I am SO HAPPY for you. Oh my goodness, I just knew it would work! Dr. Schoolcraft is just the best, the best expert in his field!! I'm so glad you decided to go to CCRM and will finally have the experience of pregnancy and motherhood. I am so blessed that I went there too. Your blog makes me remember how I didn't really believe I could be pregnant after so many negatives. I had so many emotions during pregnancy--both positive and negative but mostly disbelief! I didn't tell people until I was at week 20! Some people were offended I didn't tell them sooner but I just couldn't believe it would work out and I didn't want to have to share that it didn't work out if that were to happen. I really wasn't even showing until I was 5 or 6 months along. I really do wish you the best and I just know this will work out for you. Infertility makes you learn so much and changes you as a person...and I hope it's made us both better people, with more compassion than we had before. Be sure to check out my site to see my little baby. I've been updating pictures and there is a video too. Keep in touch with me if you'd like. I do go to Seattle about 1 or 2 times per year so maybe we'd meet up one day. --Your IVF friend.

Nikki said...

I wonder if you do ever cross over. I would think that you fix your "childlessness" but not your infertility.

You take one day at a time, perhaps much more cautiously than a fertile would at the same stages of pregnancy.

IF is a medical condition. I doubt if it ever goes away.

Having said that - enjoy your pregnancy. Savor every day. Write about your feelings, record everything - the joy, the excitement, the anticipation, even the anxiety!

Arpee said...

Thank you for your blog! It was a good reference for me as I am doing my research on my next steps.

Congratulations and wishing you, Dave and the babies the best!!!

sw said...

I think this is a very good question. The above comments are all true and good. I think you need to ask yourself...what is my goal? and if I reach that does my condition change? IF is a medical condition..however the actual meaning it mean the inability to produce.."barren"..so if your goal is to produce..you already have...you are carrying a baby...and if that baby dies before birth...you are still his/her mother..if you are able to hold that baby in your arms is 8 months..you are truly blessed. The pain of IF never really goes away. I dealt with it...have 3 children...through IVF and I still have pain when I hear/see women getting pg..naturally, when they choose etc...but enjoy everyday of this miracle you are carrying..in some ways you have over come a part of IF...looking forward to seeing a picture of that baby!!

Anonymous said...

Lisa,
I agree with some of the other comments. I don't think IF ever goes away..I think it will always be a part of who we are. Your past few posts have been following a similar theme...my advice is to enjoy every last minute of being pregnant and stop worrying. Try not to stress about things that are out of your control or "leaving" infertility behind. Not to be a downer, but don't you think you may have the same struggles if you ever try for another baby? That's why you need to ENJOY EVERY MOMENT NOW because unfortunately (for all of us) it may never come again!!!!

Just Another Infertile said...

Here's what I think. . .

If I were to be blessed with a pregnancy, I have decided to enjoy every stinking minute! I have told this theory to DH. Even if something tragic were to happen, I would want to know I experienced all the joy that pregnancy can bring. You have waited so long for this. Try to start enjoying now. Buy baby books, buy clothes, join pregnancy chat rooms, live it up!

But what do I know. . .I've never been where you are. Probably easier said then done.

babydust81 said...

Hi Lisa,

What do I know about crossing over? I am not even near the brdge yet. But like what some of the above comments have mention, do start enjoying your pregnancy. Of course, your worries are totally understandable especially after all that you and Dave have gone thru. But what you have gone thru have made you stronger in one way or another and I believe the strength that you have built over the years will get you through the next phase.

Continue to smile and start embarking on this new wonderful journey. I hope spring will bring me the same joy that this season has brought for you...

Take care Lisa and you know you have a friend in me. You can count on me anytime you need a listening ear.

Chhandita said...

I agree with 'justanotherinfrtile'. Enjoy every moment. NOW is the only reality...

Lost in Space said...

I'm not sure IF is something to get over. I think we can get through it, but it molds our thinking and changes who we are. Of course having a baby (no matter how they come to us) may help to lessen the pain, but I think it will always now be part of who we are.

bella said...

I RECENTLY DID IVF AND MY FIRST BETA IS ON THE DEC 10 SO I KNOW A LITTLE OF WHAT YOU HAVE THROUGH FAR AS IVF. BUT I WILL PRAY FOR YOU YOU DESERVE A CHILD OR TWO OR THREE STAY STRONG EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT FOR YOU