Thursday, December 18, 2008

Thank You For Sharing Our Journey

I've decided to bring my blog about infertility to a close.

But first, I want to thank you to everyone who followed our journey, encouraged us on, and said all those prayers on our behalf. You will never know how much your support has meant to us.

There was a time when I felt completely alone. It honestly felt like we were being singled out, and were the only one's to have to walk this difficult lonely road.

Infertility is the most isolating condition around. It is a personal journey filled with heartbreak, hopelessness, and shattered dreams.

And we tend to walk this road alone. Because nobody, ever really understands unless they've been there, unless they've walked it. And even then, each journey is different, some longer and harder than others. And ultimately all end in different ways.

But we are not alone.

You have taught me that.

All of you who have come out of the woodwork, posted words of encouragement, blogged your own stories of heartbreak, and come together to support not only me, but each other, have helped me heal in ways I never thought I could. There is a whole community of women, men, and couples who suffer from infertility. And they come from all over the world.

This is a map of all the people who have visited my blog today.

And since I started this blog, I have had almost 15,000 unique visitors from:

- Every single state in the USA
- Every Province in Canada
- Jamaica
- England
- Scotland
- Ireland
- Italy
- France
- Turkey
- Ethiopia
- Kenya
- South Africa
- Saudi Arabia
- Iraq
- Thailand
- Mongolia
- Japan
- Indonesia
- Australia
- New Zealand

No. We are not alone.

And while my infertility journey is coming to an end, a whole new journey has begun for us. One that hopefully leads to two healthy, happy babies at the end of all this. But no matter how my story ends, please know that it is not the ending that matters. It is not what defines me or my journey with infertility...

It was that moment -- you know the one, the one where I was at my lowest of lows, the moment I was sure that life would not go on, the one where, dare I use one of my screenwriting terms -- it was my dark night of the soul. It was the moment, that I picked myself up, stared fear in the face, and went forward with strength, courage, and clarity. I knew what I wanted and I was going to fight for it one last time. It isn't the ending that matters, it's that moment. The moment where you realize who you are, what you want, and what you are willing to do to get it.

As a screenwriter, I can't help but liken my infertility struggle to great script. And I admit, I love a good Hollywood ending as much as the rest of you. I love it when the guy wins the race, the guy gets the girl, and everyone lives happily ever after.

But life isn't always like that.

And just like it didn't matter whether Rocky won or lost his last fight -- what mattered is that he went the distance.

You see, life torments our favorite movie characters, just as it torments us. But in the end, it is not the winning or losing that's important, it's how our favorite characters grow as people. It's about what they learn, who they become, and how they change. It's about looking inside yourself in your deepest darkest moments, and having the courage and strength to get up. The victory comes when our hero crosses the finish line, and win or lose, he comes to a place of peace and closure. Our hero doesn't always get what he wants, but he always gets what he needs. And it can come in the most unexpected forms. Our hero ultimately learns to accept the forces of life that he cannot control. And the victory finally comes when our hero looks inside himself, holds his head up with pride, and ultimately, finally, is able to smile.

And that is the best kind of ending there is.

That is the kinds of hero our classics are made of.

So my prayer for all of you, is that your story, win or lose, ends with your hands up in the air in victory. Because picking yourself off the ground, dusting yourself off, and going the distance is a victory in and of itself, and one that makes us all heros of our own stories.

And we are all heros. Strong, courageous, silent heros.

So today I declare myself an Infertility Survivor.

Because, yes, I survived it!

And that, in the end, is my greatest victory.


Ashley said...

You are such a great writer!! I will miss reading your blog. I am hoping that you start a pregnancy blog now;) Congrats again on those TWIN babies!!! I am so very happy for you. I hope I will be joining you soon after I complete IVF. Good luck!!

Nikki said...

Good luck with your journey ahead Lisa. I hope we will get updates once in a while, somewhere. And I hope our paths cross again, somewhere.

Till then - good luck, take good care of yourself and the babies, and it was nice knowing you and sharing your journey with you!

babydust81 said...

Hi Lisa,

You are a wonderful writer dear. It has been nice following your journey. I am truly hoping that you will start another blog with regards to your pregnancy. I would love to follow your journey with the twins.

Hope that I will be able to join you soon. Good luck with your journey.

Not Your Aunt Bea said...

You are a wonderful writer. Thank you for having us along on your journey. Please let me know if you ever decide to blog again. Congrats and best of luck with the babies, Mama!

Chhandita said...

You missed India :) god bless u...

Anonymous said...

CONGRATS!! I'm so excited for you! What an amazing journey and what strength you have even when you didn't think you had it in you. I wondered if you were a writer! You are amazingly talented! Are you in LA? (I just moved from there a little over a year ago-was an aspiring actress and am an RN). PLEASE do a pregnancy blog!!

Auntie Anne said...

Hi Lisa.. Congratulations on both you and David finally arriving at a successful conclusion..
It has been an amazing jouney and will continue to be for both of you. Thank you for being such a talented writer.You have involved and helped so many people around the world.
As a nana to 4 invetro grandkids you have also helped me understand more of what my daughter and daughter-in-law went through. God Bless and enjoy the holidays with those visiting very soon..:-)

DAVs said...

Over and out on the blog! I'm glad it was useful to you.
Wishing you the best with your babies!!!

Emily said...

Thank you for sharing your story! Best of luck on your journey to parenthood. All the best to you!


Tracey said...

As the lurker from New Zealand, congratulations on twin boys and PLEASE do a pregnancy blog, I will miss your writting.

Anonymous said...

Lisa, thank you so much for sharing your story. I've loved reading your blog every day for the past few months as I've gone through a failed cycle and contemplate on what to do next. Your blog has been a great source of information that is invaluable to me.

Congratulations and good luck!
Dee Bee (IVFC)

sw said...

You really are a gifted writer. I hope you do a pregnancy blog..because I love reading your is not so much the subject as it is the writing. Good writers move us, encourage us and inspire us. So my wish is for you to keep blogging..there are many bloggers..but you are a great writer..It is good for us who are not great writers..but love to read to have real life stuff to read about! Best to you and your babies!!

Kris said...

Congrats again! Will you do a pregnancy blog and share it with all of us?

Just Another Infertile said...

Congratulations Lisa!

Enjoy your new journey into motherhood.

Jill said...

Lisa-Best of luck to you and your babies on your new journey to motherhood. You are such a fantastic writer-hopefully you'll start a pregnancy blog?? Anyway, congrats and good luck!!

Lost in Space said...

Glad you got what you needed from your blog with a happy ending. May your journey into the fertile world be a happy and peaceful one.

Anonymous said...

Hi Lisa, I am so happy for you! Wow, twins!! It's truly the best news and I'm SO HAPPY for you!! I'm sad to see your blog is over but I do understand that you need to "move on". You should enjoy your pregnancy and just believe this can be true and real. I remember feeling like it would not work out..that something terrible would happen. But, miracles do happen. Our miracle, our wonderful son is real and it's the best thing that's ever happened to us. You should check out the website we created for our son. It's got new pictures since we had our family visit. If you'd like to keep in touch or if you decide to make a new blog please email me on the IVF board. Take care and a HUGE congratulations!! --Your IVF friend.

Anonymous said...

Congrats on your victory! I wish you, your husband, and your two little babies the best!

Anonymous said...

Hi Lisa, Thank you for sharing your journey through infertility. It is truly inspiring. CONGRATULATIONS and wishing you a healthly pregancy.

I am researching on CCRM for my next cycle and was wondering if I could ask you a few questions via email. Please let me know.

Thank You,

Buggy said...

oops! forgot to give you my email, boug_robe at yahoo dot com. Thanks again.

Anonymous said...

Your story gives me hope. Wish you all the best on your new journey and hope that is it as uneventful (in a good way) as it possibly can be. Good Luck!

Nikki said...

Lisa - thanks for stopping by my blog. I've wondered often about you and have looked here a couple times, hoping for an update. Also looked for you on IVFC, but I don't know if you're there any longer (or if you changed your screen name). I even went on the pregnancy boards there (and I NEVER do that!!) looking for you!

I'm so sorry about your baby. I'm really really sorry. I'm glad that the other baby is doing well. I hope you and DH are hanging in there.

You know - if I didn't have my PGD to worry about, I'd be ok with 2. I'm really worried that these 2 will have a translocation problem and we'll have nothing to transfer. With balanced translocations, at the end it becomes a numbers game and that's what's freaking me out so much. I hope we get a miracle and have at least one normal one to transfer!

Thanks again for stopping by, and I wish you all the luck. I hope you get this message!! :-)

babydust81 said...

Oh Lisa, I have come to miss your writing. I wish you had started a new blog updating about your pregnancy. Looking forward to ctach up on your progress. Hope I do get to hear from you soon.

Anonymous said...

Lisa, You haven't posted in so long and you never responded to my message on the IVF board and you haven't written on your blog either. So, I'm worried!!! I sure hope you are all-right. I know we don't really know each other, like people do in person, but I guess after reading your blog all the time I feel like I know you. I want to know you are still out there and that your "babies" are ok. Please reply so I know you are ok. Here is my email: --Your IVF friend--Joan

Linda said...

Hi Lisa! Thank you for stopping by my blog! I'm still finding it hard to let myself believe it. How are you doing?

Polly Gamwich said...

Just curious if you'll let me know the sex of the twins?

I imagine you're 20w by now, so have you had the gender scan? Did you find out the sex? if you feel like responding.

Hope all is well!

Anonymous said...

I just want to thank you for this blog...I am cycling at CCRM and find so much comfort in your experience and words. THANK you for the very bottom of my heart. I wish you and your beautiful family the very best.