Sunday, October 26, 2008

Everything Happens For A Reason My @ss!

Maybe it's because AF has still not shown up, or maybe it's because my hormones are raging through my body like a warzone, or maybe it's because this whole situation is making me good and depressed and cranky -- but I'm going to have a little blog rant.

This one is about Platitudes.

Those famous lines that everyone says, in order, I suppose, to help people feel better when they are at the end of thier ropes. You know the ones I'm talking about. They go sometihng like, "Everything happens for a reason", "This is all part of a bigger and better plan for you", "God never gives us more than we can handle."

Well. I'm sorry, but PUUUHLEASSSE!

Everything does not happen for a reason.
This is not god's will.
And god does not only give us what we can handle.

The truth is, bad things happen to good people all the time. There is no rhyme or reason. There is no easy explanation. And all these phrases are just things people tell themselves (and tell others) when they have no other explanation or don't know what to say. I used to say them too. But now I know the truth. And I would like to remind anyone going through this situation that they did not bring it on themselves. They are not meant for a different life or a better path. They are not being dealt this hand in life because they can handle it, or because they need to learn a lesson from it. It is what it is. No more and no less. And it sucks. And it's not fair. And it's not right. And it's not happening to you so that you learn to be stronger.

And for those of you who are skeptical -- then answer me this:

Why can't I have a baby when a crack whore can? Is it because I'm not meant to be a mother and she is? Why do little kids get sick and die when others live? Is there a lesson to be learned this? Why does a good driver get sideswiped and killed by a drunk who lives? Is it because it was just his time? Why do hurricanes wipe out entire cities? Is it because God has some bigger plan for all those victims and thier families? Why do murderers win the lottery? Is this really God's will?

No! It's not!

Even if we are never able to have a baby. Even if we go on to adopt a child we love with all our hearts. I will never believe that this was somehow supposed to happen. And that I should make peace with it because it's God's path for me. Life does not always work out the way we want it to. But that does not mean it's because it's supposed to work out that way. Life is hard. Life shows no mercy. There is no plan. No will. No reason. There is tragedy all around us. These people do not deserve these tragedies. Bad things happen to good people and that is just a fact of life. There is no softening it. No phrase that can explain it. No helpful sentence that will soothe or make it sound alright. There isn't a reason. There isn't a lesson to be learned. There isn't always another path that is meant for us. We make the best with what we are given, and what is taken away from us. Simple as that. We forge forward and make a new life, a new plan, we pick up the pieces and start again. But this is not because we are supposed to, it is because we have no other choice but to move forward and make the best out of the life we have been given.

And hopefully, we are able to find a sense of peace and happiness and new beginnings along the way.


Polly Gamwich said...

Life is not fair, that is for sure.

This whole thing is maddening ... even when hormones aren't coursing through our bodies.

Big hugs Sweety,

Nikki said...

Amen sister! Life is not fair. Sometimes life sucks - and sucks big time. My new line to myself has become "I can't choose the cards I'm dealt, but I can choose to play my cards the best I can".

Like you said - we make the best with what we have. Pick up the pieces and live a semblance of a normal life.

I feel for you Lisa - I'm really sorry everything is so hard for you right now. I'm wishing you easier days soon.

Big hugs to you!

DAVs said...

Oh yeah, the old "things happen for a reason." I think, most of us know how to turn bad things into something good and then that gives people fodder--ie "see, you learned to be more patient going through infertility" yadda yadda yadda. But that's just because we CHOOSE to be positive about negative things.
Stay strong, and rant on!

Emily said...

Although I hear ya, I do still believe everything happens for a reason - maybe not the reason we want, but there is a reason and someday it will be apparent. I am a hopeless optimist though. That's my 2 cents FWIW.

As my best friend always says and I do believe it, "God sends us the baby we are supposed to have, when we are supposed to have it." Does it explain why the crack whore has hers at 18 and we wait through many trials and tribulations? No, but it always brings me peace when she says it.

Sorry you are having a tough day...HUGS!

Lost in Space said...

Huge hugs. These platitudes rank right up there with the word "just" for me. You can "just" do IVF or "just" adopt. It all sends me near the edge.

I think most people say these things only to make themselves feel better. If it is not happening to them and they can find an "excuse" for it happening to you, then they are "safe". Either that or they just don't know what to say so they say some lame phrase they have heard time and time again, but really don't think about what it means.

Whew. I'm sorry you are having a rough time and am sending lots of hugs your way.

Anonymous said...

I can totally relate. Life is soooo not fair! Bad things happen to good people all the time. Life can totally suck!!! But, it can be great too if you happen to be one of the lucky ones where everything comes easily. I'm an atheist so I just think things like fertility are totally random and unfair. Cancer is random and unfair too. People who have never smoked get lung cancer everyday. It makes no sense. It's frustrating. These little phrases that are out there can be so annoying. Just try to enjoy all you do have, Lisa--like a wonderful husband, your job, your health, and your family. I'm sure you have lots to be grateful for even thought life isn't fair. -Your IVF friend.

MamaSoon said...

I totally believe all that you said! My pastor says that "the world is broken." If druggies can have babies easily it just means that it isn't personal.

brunettechicagogal said...

Amen, sister. Found your blog through IVF Connections. I hate the platitudes, and if one more person asks me if I've thought about adoption, I'm going to strangle him/her.