Tuesday, November 4, 2008

The Dream Nursery

It turns out the forbidden fruit is not the apple...

It's Pottery Barn for Kids!

And Eve thought she was tempted! Ha! I'll take her apple and raise her a designer nursery any day.

Designer baby stores are everywhere! Tempting me. Calling out to me. As if the juiciest most forbidden apple on the tree. God, looks down at us infertiles and says -- that for us, pottery barn for kids is forbidden. And we believe him. We know that upon entering we are likely to break into a million pieces and fall into a puddle on the floor, struck dead upon entering. But we can't help from peeking in, window shopping, fantasizing about our own dream nursery in our weakest of moments.

The snake is there to tempt us. Opening the door to baby-land, telling us to go in, telling us to take just one little bite. Just one stuffed lamb. One cuddly blanket. One baby outfit. It won't kill you, the snake tempts us. Oh yes it will, we say. And we know for sure, if this cycle fails, yet again, the sight of even one baby item will be a knife in the heart. That God will surely punish us for eating the forbidden fruit.

But if Eve can do it, why can't we? She survived after all, original sin and all! And everyone needs to shop, right? It's practically a survival mechanism in low times such as these. Especially when we have already given up wine, chocolate, caffeine, and all remnants of a social life.

Shopping is practically the only thing we have left!

And I have been dying to buy baby things for about as long as I can remember. I mean, who among us hasn't longed to go into a baby store and rack up an obscene amount on the credit card? Who hasn't looked at all the designer baby gear and simply salivated with the urge to buy it all. I've been fantasizing about paint, and bedding and cribs and knickknacks for years. I daydream about those big wooden white letters for the wall. I pine for those oversized nursing chairs, and those big fluffy white lambs. And have you ever browsed the stuffed mobiles? I mean, as if! And what about all those itty bitty outfits, the tiny booties, the ultra soft blankets. And don't you just find it hard to control yourself around high tech strollers, designer diaper bags, and snuggly baby carriers?

I have played both sides. I have thrown the baby magazines across the room. I have ripped them in half. I have run out of stores in tears. And stayed away like they are the plague. So far, in this journey, I have done my best to shun all things baby.

But since I'm going to let myself dream a little, well, the nursery is the place to begin!

I've always wanted to let myself go. To just start buying. To throw caution to the wind and create that dream nursery I've always wanted. But I've stopped myself, aware that the pain would be too unbearable. And even though I won't actually allow myself to start painting the nusery, to march into pottery barn for kids and charge every last item -- I will, for today, allow myself to dream.

About cuddling soft white blankets and stuffed toys and showcase nurseries that could melt even the coldest heart. And maybe, just maybe, I will tempt fate, reach out and take a bite of the ultimate forbidden fruit.

Because hey, If God strikes me dead, at least I'll have had one hell of a fun shopping spree first!


Nikki said...

I only enter PBK type stores when I absolutely HAVE to - to buy a gift. And even then, I go in with total focus. Run in, grab the first thing I see, and run out.

I used to crave buying all this stuff too. But I think that's a part of my brain and heart that I've suppressed, or compartmentalized and shut off. :-(

Lisa said...

I know what you mean Nikki. So far, I've been the same way. I haven't been able to go into one for about two years without my heart pounding out of my chest and sweat pouring from my forehead. I run in and out and hold my breath for fear of loosing it. But this is my last cycle, and dammit, I'm gonna chance it. I need to hold onto hope. I need to somehow convince my mind that it's REAL. That IT IS GOING TO WORK!!! It just has to. Mind you, I think it's more of a fantasy than actually getting up the nerve to buy something. but we'll see. Maybe, hopefully, I'll surprise myself and buy even one thing that makes me smile.

DAVs said...

Lee and I started collecting vintage Curious George stuff about 8 years ago when we realized it was a shared childhood love. I have 8 neatly labeled and stacked bins in my storage room that break my heart every time I see them. Who knew back then?
And the other day, after our 20 egg celebratory dinner, we went to Target. And I allowed myself to look and touch baby clothes.
And you know the rest. Feeling like the biggest idiot on the planet.

Lisa said...

Oh Davs, I know, this whole road can be so brutal. Life is not fair, that's for sure. But hang on to hope if you can, you may just get to use that baby stuff yet. I sure hope so. I won't give up for you. I will pray for a miracle that those little embies grow and stick.

Polly Gamwich said...

I love what you picked! Beautiful and oh so tempting!!

MamaSoon said...

Awwww. Pretty nurseries. I hate this "Look but don't touch" feeling I have with that. I love the nursery at the top. So serene.

Sue said...

Oh, girls, we went to pottery barn for kids this weekend and a few other stores to "window shop" and "dream" although I didn't let us buy anything big- a cute onesie and stuffed animal. DH thinks this is the way to keep me positive. If we buy something, then it must be true and has to turn out okay. I mean, I have to physically stop him from starting to paint the nursery. It is just two people's different ways of dealing with the same stress. I think we should hold off until at least the first U/S, he thinks we should be positive and "full steam ahead!". I know how you ladies feel...I've avoided the baby aisle at Target for the last few years, I've avoided PB for kids like I'd get the plague if I walked in and now I am treading this line with DH. I don't think it is a bad thing to let yourself dream.

Christi said...

that last one is AMAZING!!