Thursday, November 27, 2008

A Thanksgiving Beta

I'm not ready.

I wish I could stop time. I wish I didn't have to find out today. Because this is it. Today determines our future, the fate of the rest of our lives.

And who is ever ready for that kind of news?

Right now, we still have hope. We 'could' still be pregnant. The dream is still alive and our life could still turn out the way we want it to.

We just got home from our blood test, and in about 4 hours, we will either get the best or worst news of our lives. We will either be blessed beyond belief and all our dreams will come true, or we will be truly devastated as all our dreams will be completely shattered.

This is it. Our last chance. Our last hope. Our last everything.

We want this more desperately than we've ever wanted anything in our whole lives. We have done all that we can do. The doctors have done all they can do. Now it's in the hands of God, in the hands of fate, in the hands of a technician measuring the HCG levels in my blood.

Good or bad, we have decided to take the day for ourselves. We will not blog, call our families, or share our news with anyone until tomorrow. We've decided to take the news, good or bad, and cry and hold each other tight. And we are hoping with everything we have, that they are tears of joy.

I think the fact that our beta falls on Thanksgiving has to be a good sign. Either that, or it's a cruel cruel joke, one last slap in the face on the longest hardest journey of our lives. But surely, God would not do that to us. Surely tonight, we will be filled with gratitude, and thanks, and be blessed beyond belief. Our journey will end with the greatest blessing of all on a day that is meant to stop and give thanks for all that is good in our lives. We have to believe that our miracle is hours away from coming true. We have to believe that this is our time, our day for a miracle, our day to be filled with thanks.

Today is the day.

This is it.

Ready or not, here it comes...

15 comments:

Nikki said...

I'm praying for a positive beta that we can all give thanks for! Good luck - it's another couple of hours now!

Emily said...

What a wonderful and thoughtful post on such a life changing day. We are all pulling for you!

May today be the day all your dreams come true!

Anonymous said...

I really have a good feeling for you guys, and will await an update tomorrow while keeping you in my thoughts today.

notesforanewday said...

I am hoping beyond hope that you get a positive beta. If prayer does anything to affect fate, then I will be praying for you al day.
-sharon

Anonymous said...

I have been praying for you ever since I came upon your blog. I am moved to tears to hear your story. I am in my 2ww right now too. I am realy hoping for a BFP for you. Today just might be the day that you get your miracle!

Anonymous said...

I hope today turns out to be everything you want it to be.
Trish

Barreness said...

My heart is in my mouth.

My thoughts are with you.

Anonymous said...

I hope you have a super beta.
Happy Thanksgiving

embarazada

Erin said...

I'm holding my breath... please post here as soon as you hear. I believe good news will come for you today. It will, it will, it will... Of course, we are here for you either way. You will never be alone, Lisa.

Chhandita said...

I am praying for you... I so want it to be the month for you....

Lost in Space said...

I'm praying and hoping all went well today, Lisa, and that your dreams are on their way of coming true. All my best!!

Polly Gamwich said...

Oh Lisa, I'm so hoping you get good news today.

musicmakermomma said...

Hoping and praying that you have good news. But always remember that you are more than just a positive or negative on a test. Here for you no matter what.

Heavy heart said...

Praying for you and waiting to hear from you..

Erin said...

I've checked your blog about 4,000 times hoping for an update. You are constantly on my mind. I am on pins and needles over here, praying my heart out, dude!

I hope you are busy celebrating!

Love, E