Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Thank You To My Cyber IF Girls

I started this blog as a way to update my closest family and friends on our journey.

I wanted a single place where people could go to find out where we were at each step along the way, rather than have to answer questions and remember to update everyone. IVF is exhausting enough without the added burden of constantly updating people. I also wanted a place where people who were curious, but were afraid to ask, could read about our journey without the awkwardness of having to ask. And then there were our other friends and acquaintances who didn't even know we struggled with IF -- I wanted to open our journey up to all of them, so that they might see that we haven't just turned into these new not so fun, hard to be around people, for no reason.

But what I never expected was to find all of you. During most of my infertility struggles I was not interested in reaching out to others in a similar situation. I was gaurded. I was ashamed. I was in denial. I lurked on boards, I lurked on other blogs, I had no intentions of reaching out to make friends, even though my husband pushed me to reach out and try to connect. Even though he said I was slipping into a hole and needed to find support. But denial is a funny thing. I told myself that lurking was fine, but posting, meant that I was somehow giving in, that I was somehow admitting that thing I was desperate to overcome -- that I was infertile. That I was different than all my other friends and family. And that I might never have a child.

I finally, broke down, after our last failed cycle and posted my first question and comment ever on an IF board. I didn't do it for support or to make friends, I did it because I was lost. Because I needed answers to questions. Because my RE had none. And I was desperate to find my own. And that's where I found the most incredible group of women I've never even met! You answered questions, you shared your opinions, you shared your struggles, your hopes your dreams and your fears. You were a mirror, a reflection of everything I think and feel. And suddenly, for the first time in a long time, I didn't feel quite so alone. You inspired and encouraged and commiserated. But most of all, you were just there. There to listen, there to support, there to remind me that I'm stronger than I think.

I want to thank every last one of you for reaching out to me. For reading my blog, and for taking the time to respond. Your comments and support have meant more to me than I can ever say. I am simply touched that you would care and bother to take the time. That you, who don't even know me, who have never once met me, would be there to support and encourage me along this long lonely difficult road, and during the time when I need it the most. You are some of the strongest, most understanding, and truly wonderful women I've never met. You have become my biggest champions and my shoulder to lean on, and for that, I am forever grateful.

I know some of you have been through worse, I know some of you have been lucky enough to have finally crossed over to the other side, I know some of you have given up the fight altogether, and I know others, like me, are in the middle of cycles, middle of their two week waits, or suffering yet another loss and decision on what to do next. I admire and respect you all. And want nothing but the absolute best for every single one of us. I hope all our dreams come true, and all of us finally become mothers one day, but most of all, I hope that whatever happens, we are all someday able to find the peace and happiness we deserve.

Because we all deserve it.

Thank you for being there for me. I love you all.


Linda said...

Awww, Lisa. We're all in this together. I'm still in Denver if ya'll want to give me a shout out! Sending you a cyber hug. :)

Erin said...

You've been on my mind... happy to see you are back on track.

Erin :)

Polly Gamwich said...

You are so sweet ... you made me verklempt!!!

I know I don't know you and I'm just starting to get to know you, but I feel like you wrote that to me - you have such a gift.

Well, know that I'm fully emotionally invested in your cycle ... so even if you wanted to shake me ... you can't!

I hope you're feeling better!

Emily said...

I have been thinking about you today. I hope it is a better day.

Beautiful post, made me very teary eyed! I know I just started reading, but I am so glad I found this blog!

Nikki said...

Hugs to you Lisa. That's what this sisterhood is about. We don't have to know each other in real life to "get it". We're all in the same boat in so many ways.

The IF sisterhood is about reaching out and lending a shoulder when needed, advice when asked for and lots of smiles and hugs generally.

I hope you feel better soon. You are much stronger than you know, and I am sure you will get through this.

Anonymous said...

Lisa, I found you thru IVFC (where you don't know me) but I am silently rooting you on.

MamaSoon said...

Oh sweetie. I just read David's post and wanted to let you know how sorry I am for your suffering. Everyone's got their difficulties but IVF is so intense... well anyway I just wanted to say that you are a brave woman and I am even more impressed by you now. I am your DH sounds like such a nice guy too. I am glad you are being well cared for in all this. Sending good vibes and strength. I am just 2 weeks behind ya!

mom said...

My wonderful daughter
I loved what you just wrote. I am so glad you feel the love and support we all have for you.You are strong Lisa and I know you are digging deeper than you have ever dug before. We are all rooting for you, family, friends and your wonderful new friends who have reached out to you with this blog. We are all so proud of you .Have a positive and loving day. Love always mom

Anita said...

Hey Lisa,

I just read your last two blogs and hope that you are feeling better!!!
You are strong!
Wishing you luck!

Think of you and Dave and Phin
Anita, Paul and Kieran

Anniep said...

Oh, you poor thing. You are so fortunate to have DH by your side. You two will make the *best* parents!

Hang in there, the stim welts can't possibly last forever. (can they?) Ugh... you're in my thoughts and prayers and I hope for nothing but the best for you.

Sadie and Grace said...

We are happy you are feeling better Lisa.

We love you!

Sadie and Grace

Anonymous said...

Thinking about you Lisa-so glad to have you and all of the wonderful girls on this forum, I feel so lucky to have my "forum friends" who understand every single thing I am feeling, every step of the way! It's a relief for me!~LGB